I slowly made my way through the swiveling gates of the small park the society boasted about. A park that hardly held any light. The little enthusiastic cricketers have always found the lamp posts to be their favorite target, leaving just two sources living, still. The pleasure garden existed there, without any... just merely filling a position, so righteously belonging to another, leaving me to gape at the way I felt about it. Gloomy, dark and mysterious with a certain rhythm and an unknown happiness to it. Just the way I felt.
I walked through the shifting transient footprints in the sand towards the two swings at the far end of the place. Swings, an object of illusion and reality. Something I could always closely relate to. It gives you the upsurging feeling of flying, legs not hitting the ground.. yet pushes you hard down, to reality and disappointments when you try to touch the sky. I sat on it, kicked the ground hard and under impact I swayed back and forth. I switched on the music on my player and retreated to solitary seclusion of me, my thoughts and a piece of mind. Nothing more.
Songs played by as I danced to the tunes in my head.. twisting my head and smiling.. intricate dance grooves flowing through my nerves and soul. Seducing and reducing me... the jives on the swing left me gaping at the brilliance of the shining moon.. getting closer in high hopes of reaching the stars soon and then swaying right back into disenchantment. Gazing around the empty park gave me a sense of reign over the small stretch of area. I played, basking in solitude.... until those kids trotted by.....
Kids, Full of joy and enthusiasm. In raw forms.. without another quality sticking along with it. Joy meant just joy, anger meant only the same. The only persistent unrealized quality they held with all forms of their crude emotions unlike adults, was innocence. Children, bliss and ignorant..
They played, those four boys that I saw. Hardly aged between eight and twelve.. they were quite a catch to watch. They were just kids, boys.. playing and fooling around, thinking themselves to be the masters of the world they see. They replaced my silence with their shouts and noises. Shouts of joy.
I watched them with intimate interest.. watching their 'manly' show-offs, which only went in vain.. with my smile. Me, smiling at their idiocies of ecstasy. Their laughs had such a tone that it set off the alarms within me to stop listening to anything around.. but just them and their babbles coated with nothing concealing their true sense. They went around and soon, ended up wrestling. Wrestling against each other.. pitting in their physical strengths and aiming for each others middle, in an unfamiliar idea of being a man. They kept me occupied, their silly fights.. until the fifth one trotted by. From behind me and the silky shadows of the night...
My dangle, slow in its pace to talk to the breezing winds, while he caught it in total ease. He wrapped his slightly muscular arms around my waist as I squealed in shock. Unable to see who it is, behind me.. and wrapped around in the warmth of his full hand sleeves rolled upto his arms.. I grew numb. Numb, until he came in front and revealed himself to me. My stranger boy he was. My man. He gave me a gleaming smile and turned up afront holding my hands. Him..
He stood there, in the splendor of the existing golden moon as he moved closer. I wrapped my arms around his corsage of his being there, in total surrender.. as he embraced me, warming me up against all the chilly elements of the night, mind and body. A feeling of magic sprang up through me. I touched him to make sure he was there.. It felt like him and smelt like him. My eyes closed to the reality, I held on to him like a clinging child at her fathers arms. He ruffled through my untied hair.. lifted my chin up. I could look into the brown of his eyes.. the tight lines of his face.. that loosened into a smile. He kissed me on my forehead. It indeed, is him.
Moving with increasing grace and elegance, he moved to sit by the swing beside me. He kicked his legs into the air moving, up and down.. Competing against each other, we flew high. Talking in soft sounds and curling laughter, he floated on the swing in extreme frivolity.. his laugh fighting through the overgrown locks of his silky hair, filling the air with his aura... This was some boy, I thought, against the shouts of our happiness and conversations so peaceful. Somehow, he left me with crude feelings. Of love, happiness, attraction and company, living individually, co-existing at that particular moment. He had this glint of a mischief monger every time he looked at me, it flashed like a sweeping lighthouse's diamond charms over a lost ship, on deserted waters. Like his did mine. The seducing charms he held, put me in a trance and like a cherry atop an exclusive dessert lay, his soft and gentle kisses on my neck.
He aroused consciousness in me, as I listened to every word of his soothing talk, every grin of his childish victory and every adorable risqué line, in full knowledge of him being mine. These moments of flying, I don't know how it passed away into the past. I took it all in, without any stop or breach. I was left just looking at seamless form and smile.
Suddenly, the swing that held him so long swung empty, without a physical presence.It traveled wildly in the air, from the speedy jump into the sands. I turned around to to detect a trace of his disappearance searching around the place with a feeling of frantic loss. Tears flowed without a reason, to find him missing, to think he had deserted me.. It was probably the blurred vision through wet eyes that missed him. I saw him, a moment later, run towards the company of wrestling brats.. He beamed at them, with a grin so large, as much as his lips could ever take. The smile that broke my heart into a hundred thousand liberated pieces. He ran, fighting with the sand beneath his feet and the ones that got into his shoes. I watched him, still in tears, but with a slight hint of smile as he joined the boys in their fleeting moments of being a man. He was there with those kids, as one.
He turned around to give me one of his ravishing smiles of victory over one of the kids. I could see, from where I was that he saw my tears. His victory vanished and he ran towards me. Catching his breath, he reached me, to give me a big sweaty hug, in question and reassurance. His smell filled me, the familiar smell of his cologne.. He met my lips with his in full askance for my momentary suspicion of his trust.. I hung on to him, unable to speak, but only to feel.. to feel what he sent across to me. Palpating his trust, love and affection. I sensed his presence.. His lips said he'll be there with me, for ever and ever. In a rapid movement, he broke off the kiss, turning around to push my swing to reach the skies. To such astronomical heights that I grew rather dizzy and had to close my eyes and clutch the chains that binded me to where I was, to keep myself from falling. I hung there, in mid-air, from above a structure so simple, yet, creating sensations so intricate and unexplainable.
Suddenly the shouts ceased. I opened my eyes to see the boys running around and chasing each other out of the park. I turned around and he wasn't there with me. I looked up and saw a dark shadow run with the kids.. I strained my eyes to see him go, but couldn't get past the silhouette .
Once again, the music flowed through my so-long-deaf ears. The park shouted silence and darkness. My heart was reassured. My lips were thawed. The silence spoke and I felt alive.