And my client said : An architect's woes

So you come to me; an architect and say,

'I'd like you to design this dream house in my head.
A large wooden door and a window at the bay,
The flooring I want, in dark dark red.
Now, let there be the stairs above into three rooms
basking in sunlight and skylight
whilst the closet be onto the left here for the mops and brooms.
I almost did forget, the doctor did cite
for some of those oak paneled wainscoting
along with bricks red,grey and brown.
Please do take these down as you see the drawing
of where my land lies, in the alleys of downtown
where water stands still for days together if it sees a little rain;
but should that be a problem for a basement around,
tucked just a little in by the room for laundry gains.
I want my kitchen just right here for my wife feels the vibes that surround
here, doesn't really matter if a window can't be placed
there dear. We'll puncture some of those holes and put some grills.
My dog wants his kennel in the hallway, my daughter dearest dazed
says the cupboard under the stairs gives her thrills;
so if you could clutch in a toilet and some cupboards for clothes,
a tucked in bed and neat line of shelves, it would be but great.
I want to see the sky when I doze
and a long corridor for my son to skate.
Put my treadmill right over here where my neighbour can see it;
a couple of plants on the balcony on the top.
If there ain't any portion left, we'll put the pots on the roof for a bit
but let there be lines that don't let it bop.
Splash the insides with colours of blue, orange and yellow,
I want some cheer like the magazines said.
Let's keep the loo right there where it is mellow
and the settee over here ad right there, the bed.
Make the landing smaller than usual,
I'd adjust and the people in my family are small.
We can use that here to put a room below that's unusual
for the visitors' eyes, that's good enough to host a ball.
Well, I'm a little tight with space as you can see,
but that shouldn't be reason to stop you for designing for me
with a little challenges along with some money that should be
an honour for you and a privilege for me.
Oh, lest I forget, may I add,
I want the grounds open to play catch with my dog over here,
I'm sure that can be arranged, it's only a lined fad.
Don't forget the front porch and patio behind where I'd like to drink my beer
and a nice sturdy barbecue grill  by the side.
My wife is allergic to concrete dust, so if you can tone that down,
it would be nice. The rest I shall abide
but not the these little details I have envisioned and sown.

Good day ye,

I shall drop by evening to collect what you got
and let's start work tomorrow if you're free
there are still some nuances I missed that you got to jot
and then I shall pay you your fee.'

So, I wondered as I watched him out of the door
staring at the sheet of pencil smudges,
the site was gone and my brain jumped a lot into being sore.
But right now I need that fee, so I hold back all grudges
and pull out the papers onto the board
picked up the pencil and let my imagination soar
as it came back to where it all floored,

'I'd like you to design this dream house in my head...'

Oh, what I have to do for some tea and some bread!

Woes of an Architecture Student : Site analysis

Dear Awesome Professors who think the sites you hand out are heavenly,

 I visited the site that you had 'sketched out' for us the other day. Architecture, despite draining all the senses we may have leaves us with a sense of hope and inspiration, a small little tiny factor called imagination. Of our designs. Our concepts. Our life. Today, seeing that brilliant site that you had so painfully 'discovered' for us, ( I must admit it is quite a discovery. It took quite some time for my friends and myself to locate the site in what seemed like a garbage disposal area) the very little idea of building something even in our dreams came crashing down.

    Would it kill you to give us a nice site for once? How is it that the other batches get scenic sea-facing sites while we land up with Koovam-facing ones? I mean, you give us such a site and say, "So, what are you going to do about the smell?" Well, we were thinking of room spray. (probably the one in which animated owls, bunnies and kangaroos are cast.)

  Anyway, let's concentrate on what is in our hands. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.(Even that sucks anyway.) It took us half an eternity to find out the preposterous dug-out land where you want us to build luxury apartments. A friend of mine told me  that the coconut-seller right outside the place (who also uses it as his private dumpyard, in Rajinikanth style flipping empty tender coconuts in the air ; beyond the compound wall where it lands with all the other useless things in life) welcomed her to visit the site. He seemed to have been accustomed to the students who come there, for god knows how many years. His hospitality and generosity amazes me. Has some deal been signed between the institution and the guy?

   The site, it so seemed looked like a green haven. Not just one shade of green, mind you. A lot of them. It so complemented what seemed like poisonous little trees all around and the different-coloured-stale-kurma-like mass of liquid/fluid. ( We didn't dare go close.) I could totally imagine the swimming pool that you want in the mass of moss floating on what seemed like a piece of earth tilled out to lay foundations for a dream castle to be built in the next century. There was just one small problem. If I could see the swimming pool, I couldn't see the building blocks and vice versa. Certainly, there is all the space in the world for me to design a wading pool and children's play area. Just when I was settling into the idea of consoling myself saying I could somehow squeeze all the requirements in there, a friend of mine said : "Hmm, so what will happen to the community centre?"

   I mean, how many people are we talking about here, man? Trust me, no one is going to buy a house here and most certainly, no one is going to indulge in the happy times of a society with all the noise and air pollution  from the road where even pedestrians might need sound horns and SARS-like masks to move an inch. What were you even thinking of? That we'll build something in the air eh? Actually, we don't mind. But, even in that, you'll ask for structural details.

   On top of all this, there is a transformer right in the front and huge, many-acres spreading out to form an industry on to the side releasing heat waves in the air. Exactly, which bugger told me that there were buffer trees over there? Open your eyes wide my dear friend, those are called overgrown saplings.

   The only thing good about the whole thing; well, probably not about the site, but just opposite to it is the pizza shop. Also, we might not have to do anything for building a basement. It's pretty much there. All you have to do is to just locate it among the trash. Still, if you want to provide all the services our senior design professor asked us to add for a qualitative living, I would suggest you look for extra site area. Maybe not a garbage chute. The place is pretty much one. We shall give you the liberty of just chucking it out of your windows. Whomsoever throws it the farthest shall earn a special bumper prize. You can take the apartment that faces the awesome coconut trees that might transport you to Mallu-land. Each day one-one person. Okay?

   Anyway, have fun. We shall soon inform you of our tempting design offers for luxury apartments in(out)side the city, where you can bring up your children in lush green landscaped areas with privacy exceeding any other, to grow up to all the difficulties of and in life. ( pun intended).

Site Analysis Complete.