Sunday, December 26, 2010


It was a silent night. But she heard through it. The silence spoke, much louder than any noise would. She gripped on to her shawl, pulling it much tighter, upsetting her hair as it flew with the blowing wind, her soft curls being carried along like a feather along its destined path. In the darkness she groped, trying to stay more warm as the bay window revealed the radiance of the full moon above, in total brilliance of the borrowed rainbow.. shooting around it : a halo, and beyond her, dark shadows.The moonlight streamed through the glass panes to catch the sight of her face, looking resigned, in deep contemplation.. thinking along with the waves that crashed the shores, basking in the gold of the sand, that which she was looking through the open windows . White froth lashed in collective efforts to wash the sand off the shore, only to be left alone, to conquer the air inside and the wind outside.. To brave through it, not knowing whether to be let carried away on the outside or burst from inside. Either ways, the air had it's way. She saw her there, as the froth struggling along the beach, not knowing what to do. The intense light refused to hide behind the trees she saw from above her bedroom window. Nothing could hide the light now. She thought she could. She thought. She closed her eyes to see the haziness shine in a more blurred way, in a way she could never comprehend. In a way she'll never overcome. In a way that forced her to open her eyes, to stare at the light hitting her eyes, again.

                       She searched the floor for her slippers, to skip into the cozy bed, to escape into the world of dreams, avoiding light and eloping reality. It was what she had been doing for over a year now. It was a cold and windy night, the open windows welcomed it to bring her out of the warmth of fake illusions. The chimes danced to the wind's love and broke the silence, yet causing the eerie feeling of silence at the same time. The notes soothed her ears and the chill that ran down her spine brought her back to earth, as she proceeded to look for her slippers. Once she got into the smugness of her woolen shoes, she got up leaving behind a warm cushion falling to the cold, meeting the floor. Clutching her pajamas up, she waded through her gloating emotions, to quickly hide behind the covers of the huge empty bed, yet,one that was welcoming. She got in and lay still, afraid that even a twitch of her rosy lips might startle her or push her back into untrue incidents, what she wanted to happen.

              She was scared she would awake him to Starr in her fantasies, as much as she loved seeing him and wanted to see him.She lay wide awake, turning her head only to see him standing there. He was there, her boy. A smiling boy of nineteen standing by the post of the bed, leaning against it, his arms crossed across his chest. He stood there with just one foot resting on the floor, while the other balanced on tiptoes, leaving him in total ease of the surroundings. She didn't find it unusual to see him in her dreams... but to see him stand right opposite to her when the moon was just reaching its pinnacle... It was unbelievable. The midnight sky held to its draping cloak of darkness, only to illuminate him in the faint glow of the golden moon. The rays danced along his form and cast a shadow much bigger than himself, though not bigger than what she saw him as, through her dark brown eyes and the curly bangs of hair falling over her face.
         He seemed amused. He stood there staring straight into her eyes with a sense of pride and frivolity, like it was the most normal thing for him to appear there, in her bedroom, beyond midnight. She gaped at the uniqueness of his form, the perfection of his pose and the immaculate smile. She snapped out of her thoughts as his smile broadened into a grin and she sat up, holding on to the warm covers.

  " Whatever are you doing here? It's past midnight!"

He smiled and then she heard him talk. The transcending voice.

  "Is that reason enough for barring me from reaching you?"

He hadn't moved. His smile still remained. She saw his soft and tender face from the tiny bits, to form the big picture, through the translucent curtains. His big picture, one that is of elegance and mischievousness. The sight of a baby clad in the clothes of a man.

"But, whatever is the reason? You've never been here before?"
"I thought I was allowed to barge in?"
"I'm not sure about the details of my giving you permission anytime before."
"You may have your living, conscious reasons to think so, I didn't pass them all!"
"What do you mean?",she asked.

  It was the first time he moved ever since he appeared out of the 'black'. He moved slowly in black shoes that merged well with what she saw beyond, noiselessly. He parted the translucent curtains for him to sit there, right opposite to her, as the light flooded in through thin laces and hit his face... light that had grown intense..As intense as the slackness of his body. He sat there, one leg crossed across, on the bed and the other hanging down for the carpet to feel his touch. The touch she yearned for.

 "When are you going to agree?"

She was taken aback. She realized she had been looking at him for moments, whose transition and pace, she didn't know.

"Uh huh?"
"I said, when are you going to agree?"

It seemed to her that he sang. With the notes of the chimes, with the brilliance of the light and the kisses of the wind.

"When am I gonna agree about what?"
"That you love me, of course!"
"You heard me very well. I said you love me."
"Is this a proposal because I...?"
"It's a fact!", he interrupted.

She didnt know how to react. Partly overcome by joy, partly by shock, she succumbed to shock, unable to respond. He leaned against the bed with a pillow playing in his hands, He threw it up and down, each time catching it perfectly at its edge. He stretched his legs fully to the leisureness of the bouncy bed. She saw that his shoes were still on... without a spot of dirt. Just like his soul, perhaps. Her thoughts were broken as the furry pillow hit her on her face, filling her with a momentary joy of his smell....

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just got a little preoccupied in thoughts..." she trailed, searching for a possible reason, worth her thoughts at a time like this.
"... of me!", he completed for her, in absoluteness.
"That is not true!"
"Oh yes, it is."
"I don't understand. You turn up at this hour of the night and tell me things I don't seem to comprehend.. It's really confusing."
"No, it isn't. And anyway, your pretense isn't working with me, so beat out of it."

      "Damn!", she thought. How does he know?!

"I just know, because it shows", he said calmly, like he was explaining basic addition to a two year old...
And you should have known better than that."

She pulled herself together in total defense.

"Stop assuming, mate."
"Ah ha, assumption. That's your area of interest,not mine. "
"What do you mean?", she inquired, frowning.
"I mean, you are the one who makes assumptions. You are the one who assumes that I don't like you. You are the one who assumes that I like her. Yes, I do know that."
"How would you know all this?"
"It shows, in many ways that you don't realize."
"I thought I conceal it very well."
"That's what you think. It doesn't get past me.. all your knotty lies about not loving me, not wanting to kiss or hug me.. I can see it all through those glassy eyes of yours."

She sighed. She hadn't expected a night like this. She wanted a night of dreams where there were no questions, no critical answers lying in wait by the one she loves, no talk. Just the meeting of eyes and the connecting of the souls.
      She looked at the boy who sat across her, who had afforded the luxury of honesty.. who had mastered at catching people in their exact line of thought and yet, the state to stay happy and still. He seemed to know what she thought, what she was going to say and when she was lying. She wondered what to say, thinking of his purpose behind the sudden provocation into acceptance of her love for him.

 "Well, what do you expect me to do now?"
" Accept that you love me."
"Why do you want to hear something you already know? You want to see me go through the troubles and embarrassment of having to face you and say so?"
"I don't want you to tell me... tell yourself."
"You make no sense to me, you know!"
"I can see through all that you do. You need to clear that haze in your head. The only way you can do so, is by facing the truth you already know. Create your moments clearly to tell me what you feel."
"Once your head is cleared of this trash, you can think, not assume. Listen, not just hear, Smile and not sigh in retirement. Wake up."
"I know, I've been trying. It doesn't seem to work with me.."
"That's a lie. A blatant answer to avoid effort. A stupid note to start a song with. Don't expect me to come to you, when you can reach me yourself, or you'll never learn to move."
"But... I...", she stammered.
"I said Wake up... Just wake up."

    His firm voice caught her a captive. She saw the times of expectation and false dreams.. All her "love" life, she had been waiting for him to come to her. Waiting in pain for him to see the spark. Waiting in tears to feel her love. Waiting in vain to experience his care. She hadn't budged. She had just stayed still, in fear, awe and love. She decided it was time to move. She got up..

   " Oh yes, I do love you!" she exclaimed, in the loudest voice she had. In the loudest tone that beat all her inner protests of ego and inferiority complex.
    "Oh yes, I do love you!!!"

It felt great. He smiled.


"Pardon me!?", he said.

She saw him stand there right next to her, at an arm's length.

"Uh huh..What?"
"I said pardon me, but I didn't exactly hear what you just said."

She turned around to see broad daylight streaming through the window panes of the classroom. Where was the moonlight?

"Oh oh.. nothing. Just wanted to know if you wanted help with those",she said pointing to his open books on his table.
"Haha, no,but thanks. I'm done. So, you got nothing else to say?"
"Erm... no.."
"Good, so, see you around. Bye!"

  He moved. She stood glued to the grey concrete below. She saw him make his way out of the otherwise empty classroom... into the rays and origins of light. She saw him go, for moments... even after his exit. She stared at the half-open door which lay swinging from the impact of his push. She only, still saw him go.

"So, you didnt move, once again, did you?"

She swerved to face the owner of the voice....  the same voice she had heard before.. His hair danced with the wind that blew across...  His lips twisted into a smile. She turned to look at the swinging door and swung around to see his all knowing smile.
She fainted.

~ Hemu

This was my entry at Saarang Writing Awards 2013


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I write for you to see...

To think you reside in my thoughts,
as a far away cloud, above my head, yet to pour,
When I just keep staring at you with my eyes fixed up at the sky, beyond my inhibiting knots,
to look at the rolling cottony mass.. All I hope to see is a change in its colour.
This yearn has reached beyond its course of inception,
 and while treading this path, travelling all alone..
I lie in wait for you to change your perception,
of me..for me to enter your special zone.
But, my boy, I still do wonder, how it doesn't show,
How you cant detect the vibes of my vision reaching you..
For I can feel the feeling inside me grow
spreading its tentacles beyond my spread, and through...
I'm scared my dear that this road might lead
to a state of haziness I've never seen before
The fear of you and your smile, Oh! it might supersede,
My own self.. Frightened of not finding me in myself anymore!
Still, I'm willing to go ahead to love you more
for this feeling is magical and new
I'm running along beaches, forests and all ashore
flying with the wind and resting in the leaf's glassy dew..
Still, you cant see that I'm here, waiting for you
that there is a woman trying to see through what you feel
Trying to make up my mind, as the lights reveal to be just dim
I am here waiting for you to see..with just a word's hope. Believe.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Him, Anew.

I saw him from far as he approached from there,
At the line I would call the middle as the path can bear..
With the lights shining hard on his face,
that made him glow along his funny pace..
As my small eyes could see,
I could see him fly towards me..
With a mischievous glint in his eyes
oh, that look that made me go so high!
He carried an elegant walk, shaking his head to a side, so hard..
in a desperate attempt to have the sunlight barred,
which did go in vain, as it still danced along with his hair 
and made him give me a helpless smile of despair.. 
I looked at the brown of his hair, an original black,
like the radiance of love and my sight of him, it did attack...
I looked at him shrug and come close to me, 
Jumping up and down, and a near fall.. in all his glee,
I saw my kid stagger up holding onto the wall 
and with the frolicsome glance, He seemed ready for a friendly brawl..
I turned around and ran a little slow, for him to catch up with me
My boy of happiness did run in all his acme,
and gripped my wrist so tight, that made me want to run fast
Instead I stood there giving in to his strength, unsurpassed..
He held me firm and let his hands do the charm
running his fingers around my waist as I laughed in alarm..
He seemed to have enjoyed the dance as I jumped ;
as his tickles multiplied, an unknown voice in my throat lay as a lump..
As the laughter ceased and the voice started trying to reach,
the air so free, and his heart beating with the beats of the wind across a beach...
He slid his arms around my shoulder and added to it a beam, 
The voice told me He was mine and so it seemed..
As the notes of the sound traveled up my tongue,
he looked at me and waved me a bye unsung..
I watched him go, my friend so anew..
as the sounds chanted a whisper..
 " oh! I so love you! " 

~ Hemu 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Trance

When in your arms, I danced like never before..
With my heart running wild but my prancing movements so slow!
I stood under the light, for a second and not more,
As my body twisted under your control to catch you smiling at me,
on the dance floor..
The world around me faded,
And in the dim, I saw some light..
The only light that I saw, which was you...
The music didn't cease, I didn't move
Yet in your arms, I saw my legs so limp jump up into the air,
and you carried me, and saw me still..
A lot of faces forgotten,
A thousands of thoughts passed by..
Without the depth being encountered,
Nor acknowledgement for it's momentary presence..
Yet, for all that happened,
The memory of time ticked, remained in the dark shadows of the anonymity.
A collection of mere glances, smiles and whispers, I clutched,
As you led me away from the floor under your feet so colourful
into the darkness of the night and the breeze's message.
I felt your breath upon my neck
I realized the smell of you...
When still in an embrace so tight
there, our lips did meet..
In vivacious energy and the graceful movements,
of the dance that did proceed..
I sank into the ground as an unknown mass of mere flesh
for, my soul went, there, with you.
And only after you opened your eyes to look at me did you realize,
that you were lost too!!!

~ Hemu