Sunday, November 20, 2011

Men, Women, Sex and Chauvinism

I had a text conversation with one of my friends some days back. It was in regard with one of my poems that I had put up earlier on my blog. From an outsider's point of view, it might have been a wholly feminist attitude, but to me it was sheer anger at women not being seen the way they should be or rather, being seen the way they shouldn't be seen.
  One thing led to the other, we had a good discussion on women, some meaningful conversations that I have with a few people until we reached a point where chauvinism came into blown up view. Not that it wasn't present until then for it is always a constant presence that runs in the sentences framed to express views. Or as I noticed, most of the conversations that the two sexes share falls into one of the following frames.. One with people who hate chauvinism (which mostly turn out to be women like me), one in favor of it (men and women who genuinely feel and think that women are meant to be under men) and the ones in between. Now, it's easy to argue with a male chauvinist for you can never possibly discuss issues with him/her. You see, most often, they never listen. What happens to begin as a discussion would lead to an argument where mindless shouting is all that is left at the end. I generally avoid discussions with such people. I just smile and walk away with a hidden smile of the knowledge that their thoughts always tend to amuse and baffle me. 
      On the other hand are my co-people, who are against chauvinism. We, for the record are not female chauvinists. I personally feel men and women are on two different standards altogether. One just can't be compared with the other. It was actually a late realization that I had, some years ago when a friend managed to knock that into my head which until then was hot with the ideas of equality among men and women. I used to think men and women are to be considered equal whereas the whole two groups couldn't be equated at all. One was different from the other. The grounds of measurement weren't the same. Though, I believe in both genders being treated equally. 
    Both these kind of people are easy to handle. It's actually rather simple. You either hate them or love them. The third are the difficult lot. They are those men and women who are in between. Out of the mass of this kind, its predominantly the men that I come across. I don't know how to almost always converse with them, given I don't know which side they are inclined to. These are the regular people I come across everyday. The boy-friends I know of, the educated uncles who fall here due to their age and all other sorts of people. I don't mean to offend them for it's with some of these people that I talk a lot, though it is difficult sometimes. I learn, I realize and feel more mature. 

     Well, as I was saying, I am guessing my friend fell in the final category of people. The conversation was smooth for when both parties involved talk with an open mind ready to accept something they are convinced of by the other.It did until I reached a point where it reached Women, men, sex and chauvinism. Women, men and clothes. Women, men and skin. 

      I think this is something I could never get or get over. The whole idea is rather muddled to me. I noticed that most of such people have an attitude that a woman whose skin you can see is either morally 'retarded' or a counterpart fully covered and clothed being a 'better person' upon the first impression. Agreed there are women who wear revealing clothes just to get attention or what not? But what about the ones who are comfortable in those clothes? What if that is what they are? Why doesn't it ever occur to people, men and women alike that a woman can wear clothes of her choice? Why does she have to be judged, stared at and be morally backward to wear clothes of her choice? How does it affect you lot? It's like judging a man and saying he is of the 'wrong kind' because he wears lungi and roams about bare-chested! 
   Of course, there's the anatomy. But is that the only thing? 

   And oh, coming to sex. Virginity in women is a prize for men. At least the one marrying her, right? Casual sex from the side of men is something that has been passed over as ordinary and 'ever-happening' while one move towards anything even hugely less in magnitude on the woman's side is wrong. And it beats me out, how the men always scorn and condemn those women a.k.a 'whores' they hook up with ? It existed generations back when it was broad daylight and accepted for being so. It exists even now, but just to be observed under microscopic light. The so-called broad-minded guys with trace amounts of chauvinism they so claim wouldn't take a girl who has been with another man, while he can have all the sex he wants in his life. Who's there to question? Why is it always down to women? The women of the kind is labelled a 'slut' with an intense connotation while the guy of the type is called a 'playboy' with some sort of pride. I really don't get that one. 

   The friend of mine had said it was for genetically good reasons, to safeguard women and the like of phrases which I found to be utter rubbish. Okay, working towards the society? What about that woman the guy just hooked up with? She doesn't count? (Unless 'she' was not a woman). My point here is not that me or many others like me(women) want to have sex and are fighting for the right to do so. One may exclaim : "Alright. Go ahead! I'm not the loser." This is not the point. Point is why is it right for men to do so, while a shame if women do. I'm from India, a land where women are taken to be Goddesses. Well, we don't want to be on that level but you could stop treating us like shit. How hypocritical can guys get?

   I meet multitudes of people. For all that I have known, I have hung out with more men than women. Let's say sometimes they are a lot more comfortable kind of people to be with. Brothers, friends.. everyone I have ever seen, ever in my life have chauvinism in them. Agreed you are born with it. You are brought up with it. But don't you have to evolve at some point of time? Open your eyes and see what is actually going on instead of you just judging the woman in shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt? Judgmental attitude, my friend is tiresome. 

   Please shrug off those covers of pretense that you have. I think all the lines of 'we do this to protect you' and 'I'm not the loser' are just pure crap. Try to respect the woman you see as a human. She surely is not a cross of the road-side 'bitch' and a chimpanzee. I'm sure you do agree with me on  that one? And at last, please stop acting like saviors. I know you are physically more strong and can ward off men who pose a threat to our 'honor' but that doesn't give you the right to define how we live. 

   Thanks to those hormone-raging men out there (I mean only those sexually perverted guys out there. Not everyone.) I can't travel the country or the world as I wish. I love, totally love being a woman. I'm so proud of being one. But sometimes it doesn't feel good when I'm made to regret for being born as one.  

 I hope I meet one guy who will know and feel the way I do about this issue. But I guess the other guys might not find him to be a guy/man at all. 

Anyway, cheers still! 



  1. Hi, a good read! I was searching for some active bloggers from TN, just to get their view on the Mullaperiyar issue. It is not a blame game. Just curious as to what they think. Can you help? Are there people there discussing the issue? How are they divided, what are their thoughts? Would you be able to connect some people with me in facebook, blog, where I can interact with them, just to know their side of the story?
    Here our politicians don't seem to bother where about 40 lakh people are afraid of every second that tick on the clock. I am afraid too for my five year old daughter. Please help if you can.

  2. @ Neenju akka- thanks a lot :)

    @ Mr.Mathew- Hello! Thanks a lot. And about this one, I'm not sure of the groups or anything as such. If I come across them, I shall surely inform you.

  3. Wow!!! thats one heart-felt rant.....and i could see the total frustration (at all the losers, you have met) pouring out of you....i am genuinely sad that the guys you have met till now have all been such jerks, but believe me ma'm- there are a lot of more of the decent, chivalrous types out there (not me,of course) who are totally genuine and respectful of women- without falling in any category you mention. and just for your info- when we men get together- and one of us boasts of his conquests- he automatically goes down in everyone's respect and thats a fact- all though we dont say it loud and pretend to admire them (am i giving away too many secret of the male brotherhood?) and far too many men are vrigins too- contrary to their boasting...its just competitive lying that they indulge in...but nice post- very entertaining....cheers,

  4. @ Mr.Ganesh Puttu- Hello! Yes, ranting indeed. it's not that I've met only jerks in my life. I mean to say there is no one who doesn't seem to be without that hint of a jerk.
    and i do hope to meet men whom I could respect for their being.
    and your piece of information, not new, but certainly nice of you to give it out! :)

  5. I do hand it to you on the "boasting sex" part and the "revealing clothes" part. This is sadly still an MCP society in those aspects... Though i would love to see the tables turned on those two point. That would be fun :)

    On a serious note, should we see men and women as different? If we should,then wouldn't that always cause an imbalance?

  6. Hello Sreerama,
    Tables turned, I'm waiting to see what happens too.
    And isn't it already for a fact that women and men are equal but just different. Neither of them should be condemned, scorned or be deprived of anything based on gender. It is the same way now, do you think it causes imbalance?

  7. ha... love to hear you explain "equal but just different"!!
    Glad you said neither should be subject to gender biasing...
    Do you honestly think the imbalance will ever be driven out?? isnt this the very fact that keeps the earth spinning :)

  8. well, if I have to explain.. There are strengths and weaknesses
    (if I may call them so)for both men and women.. that's how they are different.. by thoughts, anatomy and actions. If I were to judge a man and say he's powerful if only he gives birth to a baby, then I'm just dumb..The reason why the whole world is functioning right now would be because of these differences. What world would it be if everyone could give birth to babies and be physically strong as their counterparts?
    At the same time, they are equal for there are certain things only a man or a woman can do. Just two different forms of one creation. We cannot measure the level of both the genders based on a single yardstick, for the medium and measures vary. It's like saying 'lets see who's more powerful' and get kicking both a man and woman in the stomach. Whereas, will you amount the kicking of one and the pain of the delivery with respect to the other?

    Balance, I guess is there. The problem lies with those who think they are the cause for all the good happenings in the world, blessed and at an upper hand. I think that should be eradicated. I seek equality, for I feel balance already exists, for otherwise we'd all be of one single gender by now.

  9. hmmm.. i was not having anything physical at all in my mind.

    I was going for more on the emotional side of things... there atleast you cannot judge a person based on gender..can you?

  10. @sreerama- I thought it is easier to reach out for examples on a physical scale.
    and yes, you are true. one can't be judged at all! :)

    @Audicious- heya! Thanks a lot :)

  11. @Hem: Finally something you had agreed.. *woot*

    Also, Physical is easier cos its obvious ;p

  12. @ Sreerama- We were having a discussion and hence it didn't require any agreeing to, so far. :)
    And yes, physical is the easier one coz its obvious, lol.. I think it's an easy observation to get the point across too! Cheers! :P

  13. well.. I was trying to disagree to some of your views with out sounding like someone you wrote about.. as gracefully as possible ;)

    and believe you me.. this aint easy!! :O

  14. Haha =D Did you? well, I guess it worked. You have your own right to go against what I have written. lol.

  15. bwahahahah... Success!!

    but I am not totally against your views too!!

    Although I can challenge you for a verbal dual on the fact that Women are chauvinistic against women too..

    Game on??

  16. I never did disagree on that point.
    // One with people who hate chauvinism (which mostly turn out to be women like me), one in favor of it (men and women who genuinely feel and think that women are meant to be under men) and the ones in between. // Did you ever read that?
    I'm talking for people like me to those male chauvinists. that's it! I didnt say there are no women who are in support to what I disagree with. So, technically, I'm turning the challenge down, coz it doesnt make any sense! :)

  17. U always packa punch in the last couple of lines :-)

    1. Haha! Thank you VVK. It's not always intentional.

  18. You mirrored my views. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I remembered this quote while I was reading your post. The quote by Drake "Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age but being a gentlemen is a matter of choice."

    Your words - "But sometimes it doesn't feel good when I'm made to regret for being born as one." I suggest you to not to give a damn thought about what men think about you and your actions. Because they do admire bold women though they don't want THEIR women to be bold. A REAL man don't love to don the role of a protector. Instead he teach her to live independently. And that should start from home. But how many mothers would let their daughters to live and think independently? How many mothers would teach their sons to treat their sisters as their equals? I hope you understand what I mean by "equals".

    1. Hey Uma!
      I understand what you are trying to say. I am glad someone understands what I am trying to say without misinterpretation and yes, I don't really give a damn about most of these people. Learning to move beyond it and that just gets more furious,I suppose.
      Brilliant quote by the way. I shall remember it!
      Great to have seen you here. Please do stay connected.


  19. An excellent post! Balanced vision is very hard to find in this world of controversies and Hypocrites. Law enforcement, some politicians and self-appointed spiritual gurus are insensitive and take every chance to point out that that women invite aggression (mental or physical) and a ‘good’ woman will be left alone. I would like to ask how many women who were subject to torture strutted around in skimpy outfits? So if 99 percent of victims wore sarees and chudidhars, shouldn't we ban them and wear shorts instead?
    I’m glad the universe blessed me with an understanding, level headed man who is willing to walk beside me; get up and dust myself off if I ever stumble and takes pride in my successes and empowers his mother and mine.
    I thought they were extinct, they are just a vulnerable breed… It is hard for them to live in a world of ignorance and blind faith. But they do exist :)

    1. Hey Soulsez,
      You are lucky I must say in this regard to have found one of the close to extinct species of properly 'moral' men. Most women aren't this lucky. But you know what? Most of them are ready to take this subtle patriarchal abuse from their partners and pass it off without any problem. Beats me how.
      This clothes-based-judgmental attitude needs to be killed.


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