I run around with this paper cup in hand,
handing out smiles in return for cynicism and more laughter.
I am probably stupid
to bear the misery they have to offer
just so I can be myself,
but it seemed so much easier
than lunging around much heavier masks
of happiness and sorrow;
prim and proper.
Of love and hate colliding
against the face that perceives.
So, I chucked them all
as people taught me to build
with restraint and probable intelligence,
to immerse myself in blissful nonchalance.
I won't drown.
Agony vanishes in water
and nothing else keeps me down
as I fight heavy judgmental
telling my tale to the fish that leaps
forth into the air so bereft while full of life
for brief laps of time,
enjoying the edge but always back to safety,
I don't know how to swim yet.
But croak I shall if I must
as I am,
but never cloak.*
*It doesn't apply when I am flying around saving people. Just saying.