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"Dearest Ishaan,
Today, quite a long day. I met Aishu at the park. We spoke for a very long time. About me, about him and how I feel for him. I didn't know what to say. I felt there was so much to say, yet I found no words trying to seek recognition. I was scared of what she'll say. I feared she'll tell me it's happening for real and that I'll have to face it. I'm still frightened to face reality. I hid behind the screens, hiding tears from a close friend..."

                                                                   ********

"...is pathetic!",she said.

Daksha turned around in her direction, breaking free from her still world and thoughts, just as she heard the last word uttered, in extreme exasperation.

"Huh? What?"
"Ducky! You didn't hear a word of what I said?!?"
"Err.. I did.. But..."
"Why man?"
 "Eh? What why? I don't get you!"
"You mean, you don't pretend to get me?"
"Now, hold on. What do you want me to say now?"
"Please! Why don't you just speak it out?"
"Speak about what Aishu? I told you everything that happened!"

Aishwarya looked at the lake ahead of them. It glistened with dancing diamonds balancing on its ripples. It seemed like she chose words from the waters..with uncertain behavior. Sometimes smooth, sometimes harsh, and sometimes breaking all the rocks..
She looked at her friend trying to read her thoughts and then, returned to her gaze to the jeweled lake set amidst the crowded park..

"Yes. You did,", she said, pausing after every word, "But, you haven't told me how you feel."
"I'm fine. I can manage!"
"For how long?"

                                                                     *********

"I'm unable to hold the feeling back any longer. That's always been the case with me, hasn't it? Earlier, I refused my every idea of telling him how I feel. And now, this. It feels abrupt, like something has popped out of the blue to break my dream bubbles. I wanted to tell her that. That, I am heart-broken. She looked at me with such a piercing stare that almost bore through my air. I wanted to break down, that one moment.To let all my locked up sorrow, disappear like fireflies flying under sunshine. I would've, had I not looked away.. But something inside me held me back, Ishu. I don't know what.. I don't know what you'd name it.. Ego? Helplessness? I really don't know, still. I could only speak in accentuated silences, not knowing how to respond. Not knowing if I'd be able to hold back wet eyes if I told her..."

                                                                     *********
"It won't hurt you Ducky,holding back tears. It isn't wrong to cry. It is pretty much natural."

The wind blew across Daksha's face pushing back her wavy hair to fall against her cheeks. Her small eyes kept gazing at the setting sun. Disappearing light, she thought.

"Yeah.", she said.. not turning.."like every other thing that's happened to me."
"It happens to everyone. You're not alone, you have to trust me with that. I've been through the same phase. So has everyone."
"But I'm me at the end of the day, Aishwarya. And I can only see loneliness and despair. I'm here with you, not everyone else."
"It'll fade."
"When?"
"Look, he's your first big sweetheart, dear. It'll take time to fade, sweet monkey.. but it will."
"Don't say that!"
"Don't say what?"
"That he is my first big sweetheart.. and that I'll grow out of it. I don't want to. I like him, still."
"Why don't you just let it out, what you really think and feel about it?"

                                                                    *********

"I feel dejected. Like someone has stripped me of my dream.. of my love.. of my child. Though I've never really been with him, gone out or taken care of him.. I have done it all. Imaginations. Fantasies, Dreams. So many dreams where he was there, where I told him that I love him.. where we made out in the dark.. where everything I felt, felt real. Though those were dreams that were woken up to reality, I had a smile in the morning, hoping he would see, it's because of him. But now, I feel ripped out of everything I ever had. I've lost myself, spacing out inbetween conversations and happy moments... of others and the fake me.
       I felt cheated. My wishing star didn't bring my love to me. Instead she separated us. She put another girl in between. She holds both her hands now. Not any longer though, because I ran away..I ran away the moment I saw whose hands I was in..."

                                                                  **********

"Well, they didn't work for me!", she said as a matter-of-fact.
"It will, you'll have to wait."
"For how long?"
"How much ever long it takes for the true one to come by. You'll learn to appreciate real love, when it comes by."
"You think I like him as in, for a past time!?"
"No. But there is a time for everything. There'll be someone who'll love you for all the wishes you make on that star you sit under, every night. There'll be someone who'll come, who'll sweep you off your feet."
"But, what about Him?"
"It'll be hard. But even this will pass."
"But, I don't want it to Aishu..", she said, her face taut, bereft of a smile, a tear.
"It'll heal."
"It'll leave a scar."
"Well, you can't live with a wound all your life."
"Maybe not."
"Please Daksha, why don't you just spill it out, just once. I won't ask you questions. I'll just sit beside you here. No one can see us here anyway. Just cry it out of your heart."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't cry in front of others except for Ishaan."
"Diaries don't respond back to you,Daksha."
"Diaries arent mere books Aish!", she flared.

She sighed.

"Yes! I know, but now, you've forgotten how to talk to people. And to cry on shoulders. "

                                                              **********
"She thinks you don't talk back, Ishaan. She doesn't know you does she? I love the way you respond. A silent listener, yet not indifferent. I talk to him through you. I talk to everyone through you. But it confuses me, she writes diaries too...
      But,yes, sometimes, I do wish you could hug me to sleep... on your lap.. "

                                                               **********

"Move on, sweet monkey."
"I am."
"Stop lying, I can see through your eyes."
"I'm moving within inside."
"You seem to be stuck with thoughts of him."
"I'll learn to move."
"What thoughts do you hold of him still?"
"All my memories Aishu. All that he said to me. As the boy I liked, who, still doesn't know I love him."
"Is that all?"
"Yes."
"Oh, why do you lie to me?"

Daksha turned to face her serene face looking with compassion and love. The night moon had emerged running along the night sky. Moonlight fell on her friend's face illuminating her aura. Those inquiring eyes through those rimmed spectacles.
    And it blurred. She felt warm hands hug her. Her eyes closed. The tears fell. she grasped to hear soothing sounds inclining her. She cried harder, like she had,never before. Shedding all tears she had so long swallowed. As the moon ran behind the dark clouds, the breeze flowed by.. carrying the tears of not one young lady, but two.

                                                                 ************

"It is tearing up my insides to see him with another girl. To see him love another like how I wanted to be. I still like him hoping against every fact and reason that shines, that shows he is head-over-heels in love with that other girl I feel so jealous of. Of every reason that shows he's in love with another girl and not me. Throughout myself, I feel this searing pain shoot up... like blood flowing through my veins.. except with an illuminating and inflicting feeling. I've tried to come out of it, but sometimes I get so reminded of him, his smile and all that he's said to me.. that I'll transcend on from reality. Fantasy overpowers me and I think of him... Reveries.
                      I still under the stars talking to you.. Strangely, I am not weeping as I do, when I want to cry. I'm writing into you with a sane head, but full of emotions. Not crying, because, there are no more tears for today. I've split it all on her shoulders.. I didn't say a word. But she understood. I was alone and she came there for me. She made me see, I wasn't alone. She told me, she loves me. She said I'll find a boy who'll love me more than anyone else in this world. She said he'll sweep me off my feet...and make me feel like a princess..that He'll understand me more than anyone else..that He'll love me for what I am. And that, he'll replace you.
       I lost myself and felt better. I never knew tears could heal. That crying in someone else's arms could heal even better. I don't know if he'll come by, to love me.. don't know if he'll ever hug me better.
I had never wished for her on my wishing star, but she gave me Her. Probably, the stars know what I need. I only probably know what I want.
Good night.
I love you, Ish!
Daksha. "

~Hemu 

Grace

He lifted her chin up for him to see her moist eyes pour. Glassy as they were, the tears reflected his eyes as they rolled down her pink cheeks to reach out to the ground. It hurt him to see her that way. To see her cry. To see her in pain. He dragged the rattan stool near the bay window she sat by. She could see him settle down below her sight, for him to place his hands on her lap... to look at her with concern. She looked around his room to find something that'll stop the fall of misery from her brown being.. to find something to look away, from his inquiring stare. She could find nothing that could hold her back and her glance fell down.. to the hands that were holding her, in pain, in silence.

  " What happened baby?"
  "Oh.. Err... nothing. I'm.. I'm.. just thinking..", she stammered.
  "And you expect me to believe that?"
  "Why? Why won't you?"
  " Because, I don't usually see you cry. Tears are usually your last resort. So, why don't you just stop overacting and tell me what's bothering you?", he said.

    She kept mum. He sighed. A long day, he thought, as he got up to sit on the cushions, next to her. He took her hands into his, for her to see that he was right there, next to her. She looked up to see the sinking sun's evening rays hit his face.
    He didn't say anything. He just looked right into her eyes, boring for some truth out of her heart and some words out of her lips. He just sat there, next to her, for several moments, waiting for her to speak.. to pour it all, while, she stared back at his patience. Finally, she spoke..

   " It was this boy at college..", she mumbled.
   " Our college you mean?"

 She nodded her head in response to his query.

   "What about him? Who, anyway?", he asked.
   " Names aren't very necessary, because a lot of people say such stuff about and to me."
   "Who said what, my dear?"

   She reverted to silence for a minute, looking at some faraway doves flying against the orange-red sky. There was a raging fire excogitating in her eyes, yet something that flowed with the calmness and serenity of a flowing river.

   " Grace.", she muttered.
   "What?"
   "Grace. They say I'm not graceful. Not womanly."
   "And you feel bad about it?" he asked, his eyebrows arching upward in wonder and astonishment.
   "No, I don't always feel that way, but sometimes...", she said, dragging her words into an endless pit.
   "..But sometimes you do feel bad about it, right?", he finished for her.
  "Yes!"

     He sighed and looked out of the window. For a long time, he didn't talk.. It sounded like a silent predecessor to something deserving of crowning glory, in all quietness and suspense. Like the descending sun that was going to plunge the world into darkness. But, darkness just throws more light, she thought. Darkness is where people strain their eyes to see the truth...to put in more effort and to grope the idea of reality.

    She waited for him to speak, to break the pounding sound in her heart. He looked up to see her expectant face.. after she broke the silence, no longer being able to bear it.

  "Did I sound too silly? Are you angry that I feel this way?", she exclaimed.
  "No, just exasperated."
  "What?"
  " Yes, I thought a girl of your caliber would know much better than that!"
  "Don't I?", she beseeched.
  "No, I just saw that you don't."

        Her face fell. There was some sudden feeling of increased fear, anxiety and loss that radiated in dark circles from around her face. A feeling of being lost. A feeling of hopelessness in a land where she felt she would never get to know people, their ideas and conceptions. He saw her face muscles strain and her throat swallowing a gulp. He smiled, looking at his girl, that left her puzzled.

   "Do you know, baby, what it is to be graceful?"

 She thought for some moments. It sounded like a posed question in an exam hall. She wanted to make sure she had the right answers.

  "Hmmm... to be graceful.. is to be feminine? Walking and talking like a typical girl would? To be interested in  shoes and 'girly' stuff and not football... Everything that...", she paused for a moment. "Everything that I'm not.", she said, breathing out aloud.
  
   A clear ringing sound of his laughter rang in her ears. Startled as she was, she looked up to see if he was faking it to make her feel better. She saw, that it was pure unscathed laughter from the bottom of his stomach and soul. As genuine as melting gold. Nonplussed, she kept looking at him. wondering what she had said, that made his sides tickle so hard. He caught the look of question and confusion on her face and tried to subside his moments of roaring source of joy.
  And at last, he did. Slowing down, speaking carefully, his every word weighed against his heart and reason, he uttered..

  "Oh, how much you make me smile. Is that what you think grace is?"
  "Errrr... yes. Is it not so?", she asked her eyes wide with innocence.

 He smiled yet again.

   "Oh, my baby.. I wouldn't say so.Not exactly. It's a very superficial and dumb way of looking at it."
   "By that you mean?"
   "By that I mean, walking on stilettos, living on girl gossip or being fragile and petite, is not, being graceful.", he said emphasizing every word. "Grace isn't all this."
   " But.. but.. this is what everyone calls it to be. And that's why everyone calls me masculine in a lot of ways... because I live on sports, hang around in shorts and tees! Sometimes, I even feel scared you'd leave me and go because I am not elegant or graceful."

    His jaw dropped as she said that. the smile vanished but a hint of the smile remained.

   "Oh no," he said, "Don't even think like that. That, is not how I perceive you!"
   "Then, whatever do you mean by grace in a woman? I still don't understand what you're trying to say!"

He took a deep breath and spoke...

     "Grace is that abstract and innate aura in you that shines out brightly, from everyone else. It is the principles you hold and the deeds you do. It's the heart of yours that doesn't mind blood on your clothes when trying to help a hit animal. It's that smile of yours so passionate as you pass a child and the kiss that you give her, kneeling down on your knees.. going down to her level of thoughts and fun. It's the way you hit me, in full knowledge of being strong enough to hit me such that it pains, yet, pretending to be less stronger so that you wouldn't have my ego hurt. It's in those powerful strides in spikes across the stadium's track, those legs moving in expertise, living in its fleeting space in air.

 It is in that loud laughter of yours that lets out happiness without being bothered about another person's opinion... it's in your eyes that I see true joy and bliss, when you smile! Your, eyes, that smile. It's elegance that pushes you forward in a crowd of hundred to dance first.. a confident woman... It's grace, the way you ride my bike, which other girls might not even try, It's your hot temper that I see, and annoying nature that makes me think you're adorable. It's the guts with which you stand up for, when you know you're right... It's graceful, when I see you walk from far, waving to me.. and the jumps of a kid that you possess. It's that factor, that makes you go haywire and do things, gracefully, in a way, that other people are too scared to attempt.

   It's that grace in you that makes me love you. It's that grace that made me see the truth. It's that grace, which is you.!"


      He beamed, in seriousness. She saw the soft lines of his face and the curves of his smile. She squeezed his hands in gratitude and understanding. Looking down at his hands, she smiled and cried, a moment to herself. A moment to cherish.

   "So, did you now, my love," he said cheesily, "understand what it is, that's, grace and what makes you a woman more than anything else?"

   She smiled. the sun was fast setting and his face grew decreasingly visible. She knew, he was waiting for her, to speak. To reply.
And she did..

   "I don't know if I exactly understand,what that grace is, that makes me a woman..", she said. "But I know, now, what it is, that makes you a man."

Even in the darkness, she knew,he smiled to himself, satisfied and absolute.

~Hemu 

Mystics of a night

It was an abandoned evening of stars, festivity and gloom. The entire city boomed outside in varying tones of luxury, comfort and necessity. But within where I was, there lay just silence. An eerie silence within the residential complex's road bereft of socializing people. There were just inanimate cars and bikes without an initiated life staring at me. I walked through the moody roads of the place, in eternal distance from thinking, just moving. The lights came up at a regular hiatus throwing it's cone of light through which I merged, between light and the darkness so strewn around, under the waning moon's light. Fresh air, was what I wanted, yet, suffocation was all I felt.

         I slowly made my way through the swiveling gates of the small park the society boasted about. A park that hardly held any light. The little enthusiastic cricketers have always found the lamp posts to be their favorite target, leaving just two sources living, still. The pleasure garden existed there, without any... just merely filling a position, so righteously belonging to another, leaving me to gape at the way I felt about it. Gloomy, dark and mysterious with a certain rhythm and an unknown happiness to it. Just the way I felt.

           I walked through the shifting transient footprints in the sand towards the two swings at the far end of the place. Swings, an object of illusion and reality. Something I could always closely relate to. It gives you the upsurging feeling of flying, legs not hitting the ground.. yet pushes you hard down, to reality and disappointments when you try to touch the sky. I sat on it, kicked the ground hard and under impact I swayed back and forth. I switched on the music on my player and retreated to solitary seclusion of me, my thoughts and a piece of mind. Nothing more.

    Songs played by as I danced to the tunes in my head.. twisting my head and smiling.. intricate dance grooves flowing through my nerves and soul. Seducing and reducing me... the jives on the swing left me gaping at the brilliance of the shining moon.. getting closer in high hopes of reaching the stars soon and then swaying right back into disenchantment.  Gazing around the empty park gave me a sense of reign over the small stretch of area. I played, basking in solitude.... until those kids trotted by.....

           Kids, Full of joy and enthusiasm. In raw forms.. without another quality sticking along with it. Joy meant just joy, anger meant only the same. The only persistent unrealized quality they held with all forms of their crude emotions unlike adults, was innocence. Children, bliss and ignorant..
They played, those four boys that I saw. Hardly aged between eight and twelve.. they were quite a catch to watch. They were just kids, boys.. playing and fooling around, thinking themselves to be the masters of the world they see. They replaced my silence with their shouts and noises. Shouts of joy.

       I watched them with intimate interest.. watching their 'manly' show-offs, which only went in vain.. with my smile. Me, smiling at their idiocies of ecstasy. Their laughs had such a tone that it set off the alarms within me to stop listening to anything around.. but just them and their babbles coated with nothing concealing their true sense. They went around and soon, ended up wrestling. Wrestling against each other.. pitting in their physical strengths and aiming for each others middle, in an unfamiliar idea of being a man. They kept me occupied, their silly fights.. until the fifth one trotted by. From behind me and the silky shadows of the night...

         My dangle, slow in its pace to talk to the breezing winds, while he caught it in total ease. He wrapped his slightly muscular arms around my waist as I squealed in  shock. Unable to see who it is, behind me.. and wrapped around in the warmth of his full hand sleeves rolled upto his arms.. I grew numb. Numb, until he came in front and revealed himself to me. My stranger boy he was. My man. He gave me a gleaming smile and turned up afront holding my hands. Him..
  
     He stood there, in the splendor of the existing golden moon as he moved closer. I wrapped my arms around his corsage of his being there, in total surrender.. as he embraced me, warming me up against all the chilly elements of the night, mind and body. A feeling of magic sprang up through me. I touched him to make sure he was there.. It felt like him and smelt like him. My eyes closed to the reality, I held on to him like a clinging child at her fathers arms. He ruffled through my untied hair.. lifted my chin up. I could look into the brown of his eyes.. the tight lines of his face.. that loosened into a smile. He kissed me on my forehead. It indeed, is him.

           Moving with increasing grace and elegance, he moved to sit by the swing beside me. He kicked his legs into the air moving, up and down.. Competing against each other, we flew high. Talking in soft sounds and curling laughter, he floated on the swing in extreme frivolity.. his laugh fighting through the overgrown locks of his silky hair, filling the air with his aura... This was some boy, I thought, against the shouts of our happiness and conversations so peaceful. Somehow, he left me with crude feelings. Of love, happiness, attraction and company, living individually, co-existing at that particular moment. He had this glint of a mischief monger every time he looked at me, it flashed like a sweeping lighthouse's diamond charms over a lost ship, on deserted waters. Like his did mine. The seducing charms he held, put me in a trance and like a cherry atop an exclusive dessert lay, his soft and gentle kisses on my neck.

    He aroused consciousness in me, as I listened to every word of his soothing talk, every grin of his childish victory and every adorable risqué line, in full knowledge of him being mine. These moments of flying, I don't know how it passed away into the past. I took it all in, without any stop or breach. I was left just looking at seamless form and smile.
     Suddenly, the swing that held him so long swung empty, without a physical presence.It traveled wildly in the air, from the speedy jump into the sands. I turned around to to detect a trace of his disappearance searching around the place with a feeling of frantic loss. Tears flowed without a reason, to find him missing, to think he had deserted me.. It was  probably the blurred vision through wet eyes that missed him. I saw him, a moment later, run towards the company of wrestling brats.. He beamed at them, with a grin so large, as much as his lips could ever take. The smile that broke my heart into a hundred thousand liberated pieces. He ran, fighting with the sand beneath his feet and the ones that got into his shoes. I watched him, still in tears, but with a slight hint of smile as he joined the boys in their fleeting moments of being a man. He was there with those kids, as one.

       He turned around to give me one of his ravishing smiles of victory over one of the kids. I could see, from where I was that he saw my tears. His victory vanished and he ran towards me. Catching his breath, he reached me, to give me a big sweaty hug, in question and reassurance. His smell filled me, the familiar smell of his cologne.. He met my lips with his in full askance for my momentary suspicion of his trust.. I hung on to him, unable to speak, but only to feel.. to feel what he sent across to me. Palpating his trust, love and affection. I sensed his presence.. His lips said he'll be there with me, for ever and ever. In a rapid movement, he broke off the kiss, turning around to push my swing to reach the skies. To such astronomical heights that I grew rather dizzy and had to close my eyes and clutch the chains that binded me to where I was, to keep myself from falling. I hung there, in mid-air, from above a structure so simple, yet, creating sensations so intricate and unexplainable.

    Suddenly the shouts ceased. I opened my eyes to see the boys running around and chasing each other out of the park. I turned around and he wasn't there with me. I looked up and saw a dark shadow run with the kids.. I strained my eyes to see him go, but couldn't get past the silhouette .
        Once again, the music flowed through my so-long-deaf ears. The park shouted silence and darkness. My heart was reassured. My lips were thawed. The silence spoke and I felt alive.

  

An Endless Apology

The sun had just risen above the horizon,
revealing all the darkness surrounding the spherical mass..
The bare legs beneath the tanned body, emerged from the scarce opening, wizened..
from a thatch set upon the sweeping golden sands.
The streaks of nature's canvas mixed against the palette,
spread across the vast sky, throwing its frenzied hues to hit his face,
as he made his way through shifting sands under his feet, his armlet
reflecting colours given forth, reaching his boat, in a quickening pace..
At the shore stood the brave withstander of the storming seas
and the sedated blues and breezy pushes.
He looked at his highest command, in a clear seize
of his own clothing, he wiped her hard to sparkling blushes.
Standing back looking at her in all respect and love,
before getting into what always held him to his life..
He lapped the heavy wooden oars to talk to the skies above
and the waters below, like intimate moments of kisses on the cheeks of one's wife..
Rowing his way through the blue holder, he set about,
speaking to himself and his carrier, like meeting an old friend everyday..
The muscles of his old arms flexed the labored oars, in and out
with sweat tricking down his brow, looking at the passing bay.
For much of the next running hours, he sailed in his expert routine,
with only wistful sighs and pitying soft escapes of laughter..
until he reached the deep waters of the sea so clean,
where he could reach what he is after!
All that lay in his sight was the converging blue of the ocean
and the scattered gold floating, thrown from the sky in all its brightness
He stood up the startling his holder, in all devotion,
to drop the anchor and face the merge, with an floating feel of lightness.
He reached for the folds of his lungi dragging it down to his feet
and bending to gather some of the fleeting gold and blues of the marine..
He lifted it to his forehead as it dripped down his worn out chest, cutting the rising heat,
standing out like diamonds embedded in the soil of the earth, yet just saline.
He said forth, what had been travelling from his vocal cords and heart,
an unknown act, for years of facing the union of the seas and skies..

"Oh Mother!
I hate to do this to you and your brood, to break you apart..
But I am bound, and all I have to offer are soothing lies
to the captured, only soft words to hear as they die..
I'm here killing my own brothers and sisters, oh, I'm cruel I do know,
But what lies within me are only the sighs,
of my everyday treachery, for it now doesn't rest in my blood but flows!
You give me yourself everyday, and all I have to give you in return is my gratitude,
which isn't enough for a sinner, yet, I cant offer you more..
I can only beg your forgiveness, for I hold no other aptitude,
I can't return elsewhere, there is nowhere else to go. I'm only, but sore.
Forgive me my mother, for the lives I separate from you..
Forgive me, for the life I lead, in your unhappiness,a helpless accrue."

The water dripped off through the emptiness in the hands and his eyes so moist..
He lifted his leg backward, deftly catching the end of his cloth..
Bending down in rhythmic fashion, in expertise, so joist,
pulling out blue nets to fool his catch, to meet the school of travelling trots..
In a flash went his hands up in the air, slashing the waters a moment later,
cutting through the bottomless blues, bereft of a single ripple for long,
He sat down at the very edge, like a guilty traitor..
Calling out in the drowning delinquency so ironic, singing his morning song...
.......Waiting.


~Hemu

The Lady at my Table

Canteen, that's where I spent most of my time. Not to eat, but to feel at peace. To feel happy and satisfied like everyone else, there.. to escape from the clutches of the classrooms, studios and teachers who look through their spectacles with such suspicion that you could fall from your stool searching for your fallen pencil.. it's like they push you from there. Early before a session starts and sometimes after a good sleep in the last row... that's where I head to. The college canteen.

                     It's a great place. The canteen. With a small atrium shaking hands with the light, it sort of illuminates my day. Collegemates and classmates sitting around in groups, fighting for their spoon of pasta, the weary canteen boy who is ever in demand, the lovers who always chose to stand under the atrium, banking their weights on the high table, ever smiling and looking into each others eyes ( Holy god only knows what they ever mean by "we talk through our eyes..!"), the best friends who always take a happy stand either shrieking or consoling one another and a few like me. Secluded from the fake appearances and gestures of socialization. It's not that I don't get along with people, only people don't get along with me.  

                There is a table I sit at everyday, which forever creaks under my increasing weight.. A table which many fail to see. At the farthest end of the spacious, exposed brick structure. There it stands, a table.. A chair where I sit and another opposite to me. To one side, I get to see the entire canteen's chaotic capabilities in food, love, friendship and gang wars.. and to the other, there lies a green spread of lawn, sprouting colorful flowers and hiding the existence of a dog and her family of three pups.. Sunlight hits me, not too much, not too shaded either, just the way I like it. With an olive drab shade to the half-hanging bamboo curtain and a few colourful posters, there was nothing that people I saw, found interesting. Just a table and two old chairs. Creaky and lonely, just like me.

  

             That day, I was sitting at my regular, sipping my cup of hot tea along with a book.. I usually read, not because it gives me joy, but because, I don't know what else to do. It is escapade into another world where you are concerned about the character, not yourself.. where you're worried about what is going to happen to him or her, that, there is a momentary loss in the anxieties of your own. It is just a hot cup of tea, a book and yourself, in silence, not from outside, but from inside. Infact, I hear nothing. I feel it isn't worth my time.. to stop looking away from the changing worlds.. I grew deaf to it all. It didn't make me look up.. all those commotions of a birthday party, the cries of the "hot" girls of college, the stupid supposed-to-be-humorous comments of the silly boys, a screaming canteen owner, the sizzling sounds of cooking food and beeping ovens through the open kitchen door... I grew immune to it all. In a way, it told me things were normal. It meant people were at their usual, getting more and more stupid and less logical. Something inside me always said, this, was not what I wanted to hear. Something else it is, but just not this. Not the panic that I hear in their shouts, not the insecure feeling I sense.. Something else, it said inside me, whatever it is, inside me. 

          

               I pored over the book in eternal silence. I read on and on.. until his image struck me. He often did intrude into my happy world, making me feel miserable and useless. He is the boy I like. He is the boy who makes my head swerve in his direction as he walks by. He is my friend and no more than that, yet, my fistful beat my head in this. He is the reason for a lot of my smiles, silent sobs at night and the feeling of emptiness way down till my stomach. Emptiness, as heavy as void probably shouldn't be.. and so I moved around slowly. Beyond all my changing characters, he remained as a constant one. Ever to swift too take over my thoughts, too cute for me to look away and a baby for me to adore. He was all in one. My friend, my baby and my "in-dreams" love of life. There are so many questions in life that I didn't know the answers for. But the one that drove me crazy was this. "So, I do like him.. But does he?" I usually didnt know what to do at times like these. One of my good friends usually said," Yes, you like him. It wasn't a voluntary act that you started liking him.. and it cant be one.. the way you're trying, trying to get him out of your mind. It won't happen.. Let it be, cherish the moment. You may not like him in some time from now.. enjoy the magical feeling until it lasts. " A few other of my good friends want me to tell him! Tell him that I like him! It is going to be something I'll never do in my life, I tell them, everytime that they grew tired of me talking to them about him. They wanted to put an end to the grumbling. I wanted a new beginning.

                   It was one of my "him-struck" times. I was unable to read nor joke around with my friends from the studio.. I sat at 'my' table and stared out at Sasha(that's what I named her!) and her puppies play in eternal jubilation. Lost in thoughts, I came back to earth when I realized my cup of tea has reached its end.. My heart in his thoughts, battling with my mind led me towards a storming headache. I got up, reached for another cup of tea.. The canteen boy, ever too friendly with me, served me first.. Holding the hot paper cup between my thumb and middle finger, I made my way back to my seat. The hot liquid of soothing brown entity had all my concentration, that only after I reached my table and set down the cup of tea, did I realize that there was someone else sitting there.

                 It was a woman of forty-five probably. Her hair was drawn back into a pony tail, just a little longer than mine with her. She wore a purple Kurti and jeans, brandishing a huge black handbag. She was talking over the phone with someone..
"Yeah yeah! I'm right here. Oh, okay. Take your own time! yup.. bye sweetheart."

                   Sweetheart? Who was on the phone? Her child or her husband ? Whoever she is, all that I was concerned was the fact that I had to share a place that I considered only mine. "Damn!",I said over and over again, under my breath,  drinking my cup of tea in extreme interest so that I didn't have to make eye contact with her. Until I heard her speak...

   "Hi! could you please tell me where to get a cup of tea?", she asked.

Wow, here was a lady sitting in the canteen and asking me where we can order a cup of tea. What do I seem like to her? "Over there", I said, politely pointing to the counter.
   She smiled. She had a pretty smile, I have to admit. She got up for helping herself with one of the best tea in the world. The one that my canteen sold. She left her handbag on the table and looked at me... " Could I please leave this here? I'll just go and get my tea and back?" Great, now I was her caretaker as well?
I nodded and she left.
   
     Moments passed before she came back... She was clutching her tea the way I held mine.. in my left hand, gathering all the heat I could, before letting my mouth relish its taste. She sat down and smiled at me. Again. Bham. Her smile, for some reason let me loose all my feelings of distaste for her. I just smiled for a reply.

"Thank you, my dear!", she said.
"My pleasure, aunty!"
"You know, that word keeps reminding me of my age.?"

I was taken aback. I was lost in thoughts of his smile...and hers. they seemed so alike. I didn't expect her to continue a conversation. Well, now that she did, I had to, too. But whatever did she expect me to call her? Dude or something?

"Err.. I'm so sorry. I didnt mean to offend you."
"Aw, knock it my dear. It is my age isn't it..? Just that after coming here and seeing the kids here and all.. I was reminded of my college days. Must be fun for you right? College and all?"

   She seemed nice. Probably I was in too much of a foul mood to have surpassed the goodness of the lady. I smiled... and our conversation struck.

 "Yes, college is indeed nice. Though there are ups and downs.. exams, fights, broken hearts... it's still a place I head to with immense attachment."

"Hmmm..", she replied sipping her cup of tea with an extreme sense of pleasure shining on her face. She paused to look at me, and spoke.. Her voice was probably the "something". I'm surely not immune to it. Just like his voice, that I'd turn to.

".... Broken hearts.. Yes.. You have your heart in pieces, do you, my dear?"

She was wading into deep waters of my personal feelings. Angry as I should have got, I felt nothing. In her presence, for some reason, I felt calm and tranquilized. Like a sedated animal listening to her every word. Her smile had captivated me.

"No," I replied. "Not yet."
" Not yet eh? It is an interesting answer." she casually lifted her cup of tea to her mouth and had it in silence.. only for a moment though.. ".. yes, so, are you in love?"

   I was shocked, not because she had thrown at me, a query so private but because I didn't know the answer myself. I knew I had been evading this question for a very long time, to my own friends, to my diary and to myself. I was scared to make or reach a decision... Decision meant confirmation and acknowledgment. No, I wasn't ready for that yet. Though I had been wanting to talk to someone about it, for a very long time, I didn't, in fear. So, now that she has asked me, do I tell her? Anyway I don't know her, she wouldn't go talking about it behind my back.. so, should I tell her or not?

     Her silky voice cut through my thoughts. I looked up to see her looking at me with concern. Her eyes sparkled behind her specs with an unknown intimacy. "Did I say something wrong my dear? I'm really sorry if I did. You don't have to answer me you know..". she trailed but in a firm voice.

  "No," I said, "You haven't said anything wrong. It's just that I don't know what to say, because I myself don't know the answer."

"Well, then you must find out."

I looked at her. Yes, she was right afterall. I must find out, but how.?

"I see confusion in your eyes.. You don't know what to do. Am I right?"

Bloody right I thought. Of course, I don't know what to do.

"You're right aunty.. I don't know what to do. I like a guy who is my friend.. I don't know if he likes me back."

"Did you take any efforts to find out out?"

"No."

She sighed.

"My dear, if you don't let him know, how do you expect a reply? Answers are given after a question is asked. Statements that you might want, you'll receive only if you initiate the conversation on the terms you want it to go. Why don't you just give it a shot? What sort of a boy is he, anyway?"

   A smile reached my lips. What sort of boy is he? Now, how do I explain that?

"He is a cute guy. A guy who is genuine, who likes me as a friend. He is the type of person who makes others laugh. But he is also the popular one. With totally different tastes from mine. Our beliefs aren't the same."

"Do you think that is reason enough, to not tell him? I think you should tell him. As soon as possible. Probably today."

"I dont think it would ever happen. If I told him and he refuses, I wouldn't be able to bear that pain."

"Well, if you don't tell him at all, it'll swell and burst. Much worse than what this can do to you."

“But, I’m scared aunty.. I don’t know how to face him.”

 "Listen to me my dear, were you ever afraid to talk to him as a friend? Did you think twice when you ruffled his hair, when you thought of him as a friend?"

"Err.. no, I didn't. That was different. This feeling is different."

"No, it's all the same. It is friendship that you're gonna take on to a higher level. Take it from me, I can assure you this much. All you have to do is to go tell him.."

    Now, who was this lady who made me listen to her with such intensity.. What lies in her voice that makes me listen to her, I don't know. Who was she anyway? I collected myself back from my thoughts and spoke to the woman in front of me. The one who seemed to know what she spoke. The one who spoke from her heart. 

  "O.K.. let's look at it this way... I walk up to him, tell him that I love him. What if he says he doesn't love me?"

"Oh, let's look at it this way.. You walk up to him and tell him that you love him... And he says.. Damn, I've been wanting to say the same thing to you for a very long time? "

"This isn't an answer, is it? You just asked me a question back."

"Well, sometimes, questions raise questions. When one is answered, the other automatically answers itself. More like your design, I would say.."

"But.. Aunty, I really don't know what I should do. He lives in every page of my diary, he comes in my dreams, I feel comfortable around him.. I feel like I can act as crazy as a monkey and still not care..because he is one too... He is not like me though, he doesn't read, doesn't really believe in God.. But I somehow have this gut feeling that he is meant to be with me.. but I really dont know how to tell him this."

"What if he is struggling with the same problem?"

""Hmm.. I dont know about it, right?"

"Precisely why I am asking you to go tell him. Think my little girl, when you grow up and turn around looking at all the things that you haven't had the guts to face, you' ll want to face it again.. But then, you might not have the age or youth for it. Some things and people you lose now, you'll never be able to retrieve again!"

"But what if my stakes are high?"

"What would happen if you told him my dear? He'll stop talking to you? If he does so, you are better off without the guy.. and if he says he likes you too.. well and good for you don't you think? And if he refuses and remains the same with you, atleast you are cleared of the confusion in your head, aren't you?"

"Hmm.. you make sense."

"Yes, I do. And it would do you good to listen to me.. oh oh.. why in the world are you looking so drained..? wo... why are you ducking now?" 

"Aww.. Aunty, there he is." Damn, why did I let that slip now? 

Indeed, he had come inside at the wrong time. The bugger, I hadn't seen him for a week now. Heard he wasn't feeling well or something. And he turns up now.. with a charismatic woman next to me, asking me to tell him how I feel about him. Lovely timing indeed.

The ever too eager Aunty wanted to catch a glimpse of my favorite boy. She swerved around to see a hoard of young men standing there... 

"Who is it, my dear lady?",she asked. 

I had given my tongue away. No other choice, I had, but to tell her. 

"That boy there.. in the blue shirt with stripes.. OH oh! He saw me.. Crap!"

Indeed, he was heading to our table. I waved and he waved right back with a broad smile. Oh my god... THAT smile.

"Hi, how are you?", he asked, looking at me. 

"Ha, seems like I should be asking you that. How are you feeling man?"

"Well, you can see me now", he said, outstretching his arms, in  order to offer me a total view of his fit state..."Do I look anywhere near being diseased?"

I couldn't help but smile. "No, you dont."

"Well, so who do we have here?", he asked, looking at my guide for the morning, probably, the rest of my life. They both shared a smile. She looked at him and nodded. The lady in the purple kurti got up giving her seat to my boy. Now, now.. what was happening..? This fellow was beaming too. 

"Oh, I should be off now my dear... And my boy, I'll leave the car here, drive back home soon. Take care..", she exclaimed as she dropped the car keys on the old table. 

  

       She looked at the still surprised me, smiled and said, "You have things to tell my dear, and let me assure you it will all turn out well. Trust me." She winked and turned around and walked towards the exit door, her high pony swinging in the air, in total confidence of its place in air. Now, that is a woman, I say. 

 "Well, you've seen her.. and I'm still here you know?" He was looking at me through his overgrown locks of hair. He had been looking at me.

Wow, so, how long have I been staring at her? 

  "Ah, ha, I'm sorry. And.. Er.. hey! I have something to tell you."

"Wow, so, do I."

"And something to ask...", I added. "You know her?" I asked, pointing at the exiting woman. 

He smiled. 

"Yes", he said... "She is my mum." 

The lady in the purple kurti turned, looked at me and smiled. I looked from her son to her.. Damn, the same smile. She winked again and left.

I laughed. I knew what I had to tell him.

~ Hemu 

Grey

It was a silent night. But she heard through it. The silence spoke, much louder than any noise would. She gripped on to her shawl, pulling it much tighter, upsetting her hair as it flew with the blowing wind, her soft curls being carried along like a feather along its destined path. In the darkness she groped, trying to stay more warm as the bay window revealed the radiance of the full moon above, in total brilliance of the borrowed rainbow.. shooting around it : a halo, and beyond her, dark shadows.The moonlight streamed through the glass panes to catch the sight of her face, looking resigned, in deep contemplation.. thinking along with the waves that crashed the shores, basking in the gold of the sand, that which she was looking through the open windows . White froth lashed in collective efforts to wash the sand off the shore, only to be left alone, to conquer the air inside and the wind outside.. To brave through it, not knowing whether to be let carried away on the outside or burst from inside. Either ways, the air had it's way. She saw her there, as the froth struggling along the beach, not knowing what to do. The intense light refused to hide behind the trees she saw from above her bedroom window. Nothing could hide the light now. She thought she could. She thought. She closed her eyes to see the haziness shine in a more blurred way, in a way she could never comprehend. In a way she'll never overcome. In a way that forced her to open her eyes, to stare at the light hitting her eyes, again.

                       She searched the floor for her slippers, to skip into the cozy bed, to escape into the world of dreams, avoiding light and eloping reality. It was what she had been doing for over a year now. It was a cold and windy night, the open windows welcomed it to bring her out of the warmth of fake illusions. The chimes danced to the wind's love and broke the silence, yet causing the eerie feeling of silence at the same time. The notes soothed her ears and the chill that ran down her spine brought her back to earth, as she proceeded to look for her slippers. Once she got into the smugness of her woolen shoes, she got up leaving behind a warm cushion falling to the cold, meeting the floor. Clutching her pajamas up, she waded through her gloating emotions, to quickly hide behind the covers of the huge empty bed, yet,one that was welcoming. She got in and lay still, afraid that even a twitch of her rosy lips might startle her or push her back into untrue incidents, what she wanted to happen.

              She was scared she would awake him to Starr in her fantasies, as much as she loved seeing him and wanted to see him.She lay wide awake, turning her head only to see him standing there. He was there, her boy. A smiling boy of nineteen standing by the post of the bed, leaning against it, his arms crossed across his chest. He stood there with just one foot resting on the floor, while the other balanced on tiptoes, leaving him in total ease of the surroundings. She didn't find it unusual to see him in her dreams... but to see him stand right opposite to her when the moon was just reaching its pinnacle... It was unbelievable. The midnight sky held to its draping cloak of darkness, only to illuminate him in the faint glow of the golden moon. The rays danced along his form and cast a shadow much bigger than himself, though not bigger than what she saw him as, through her dark brown eyes and the curly bangs of hair falling over her face.
      
         He seemed amused. He stood there staring straight into her eyes with a sense of pride and frivolity, like it was the most normal thing for him to appear there, in her bedroom, beyond midnight. She gaped at the uniqueness of his form, the perfection of his pose and the immaculate smile. She snapped out of her thoughts as his smile broadened into a grin and she sat up, holding on to the warm covers.

  " Whatever are you doing here? It's past midnight!"

He smiled and then she heard him talk. The transcending voice.

  "Is that reason enough for barring me from reaching you?"

He hadn't moved. His smile still remained. She saw his soft and tender face from the tiny bits, to form the big picture, through the translucent curtains. His big picture, one that is of elegance and mischievousness. The sight of a baby clad in the clothes of a man.

"But, whatever is the reason? You've never been here before?"
"I thought I was allowed to barge in?"
"I'm not sure about the details of my giving you permission anytime before."
"You may have your living, conscious reasons to think so, I didn't pass them all!"
"What do you mean?",she asked.

  It was the first time he moved ever since he appeared out of the 'black'. He moved slowly in black shoes that merged well with what she saw beyond, noiselessly. He parted the translucent curtains for him to sit there, right opposite to her, as the light flooded in through thin laces and hit his face... light that had grown intense..As intense as the slackness of his body. He sat there, one leg crossed across, on the bed and the other hanging down for the carpet to feel his touch. The touch she yearned for.

 "When are you going to agree?"

She was taken aback. She realized she had been looking at him for moments, whose transition and pace, she didn't know.

"Uh huh?"
"I said, when are you going to agree?"

It seemed to her that he sang. With the notes of the chimes, with the brilliance of the light and the kisses of the wind.

"When am I gonna agree about what?"
"That you love me, of course!"
"WHAT?"
"You heard me very well. I said you love me."
"Is this a proposal because I...?"
"It's a fact!", he interrupted.

She didnt know how to react. Partly overcome by joy, partly by shock, she succumbed to shock, unable to respond. He leaned against the bed with a pillow playing in his hands, He threw it up and down, each time catching it perfectly at its edge. He stretched his legs fully to the leisureness of the bouncy bed. She saw that his shoes were still on... without a spot of dirt. Just like his soul, perhaps. Her thoughts were broken as the furry pillow hit her on her face, filling her with a momentary joy of his smell....

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just got a little preoccupied in thoughts..." she trailed, searching for a possible reason, worth her thoughts at a time like this.
"... of me!", he completed for her, in absoluteness.
"That is not true!"
"Oh yes, it is."
"I don't understand. You turn up at this hour of the night and tell me things I don't seem to comprehend.. It's really confusing."
"No, it isn't. And anyway, your pretense isn't working with me, so beat out of it."

      "Damn!", she thought. How does he know?!

"I just know, because it shows", he said calmly, like he was explaining basic addition to a two year old...
And you should have known better than that."

She pulled herself together in total defense.

"Stop assuming, mate."
"Ah ha, assumption. That's your area of interest,not mine. "
"What do you mean?", she inquired, frowning.
"I mean, you are the one who makes assumptions. You are the one who assumes that I don't like you. You are the one who assumes that I like her. Yes, I do know that."
"How would you know all this?"
"It shows, in many ways that you don't realize."
"I thought I conceal it very well."
"That's what you think. It doesn't get past me.. all your knotty lies about not loving me, not wanting to kiss or hug me.. I can see it all through those glassy eyes of yours."

She sighed. She hadn't expected a night like this. She wanted a night of dreams where there were no questions, no critical answers lying in wait by the one she loves, no talk. Just the meeting of eyes and the connecting of the souls.
      She looked at the boy who sat across her, who had afforded the luxury of honesty.. who had mastered at catching people in their exact line of thought and yet, the state to stay happy and still. He seemed to know what she thought, what she was going to say and when she was lying. She wondered what to say, thinking of his purpose behind the sudden provocation into acceptance of her love for him.

 "Well, what do you expect me to do now?"
" Accept that you love me."
"Why do you want to hear something you already know? You want to see me go through the troubles and embarrassment of having to face you and say so?"
"I don't want you to tell me... tell yourself."
"You make no sense to me, you know!"
"I can see through all that you do. You need to clear that haze in your head. The only way you can do so, is by facing the truth you already know. Create your moments clearly to tell me what you feel."
"Hmmmm...but..."
"Once your head is cleared of this trash, you can think, not assume. Listen, not just hear, Smile and not sigh in retirement. Wake up."
"I know, I've been trying. It doesn't seem to work with me.."
"That's a lie. A blatant answer to avoid effort. A stupid note to start a song with. Don't expect me to come to you, when you can reach me yourself, or you'll never learn to move."
"But... I...", she stammered.
"I said Wake up... Just wake up."

    His firm voice caught her a captive. She saw the times of expectation and false dreams.. All her "love" life, she had been waiting for him to come to her. Waiting in pain for him to see the spark. Waiting in tears to feel her love. Waiting in vain to experience his care. She hadn't budged. She had just stayed still, in fear, awe and love. She decided it was time to move. She got up..

   " Oh yes, I do love you!" she exclaimed, in the loudest voice she had. In the loudest tone that beat all her inner protests of ego and inferiority complex.
    "Oh yes, I do love you!!!"

It felt great. He smiled.

                                                          ****************

"Pardon me!?", he said.

She saw him stand there right next to her, at an arm's length.

"Uh huh..What?"
"I said pardon me, but I didn't exactly hear what you just said."

She turned around to see broad daylight streaming through the window panes of the classroom. Where was the moonlight?

"Oh oh.. nothing. Just wanted to know if you wanted help with those",she said pointing to his open books on his table.
"Haha, no,but thanks. I'm done. So, you got nothing else to say?"
"Erm... no.."
"Good, so, see you around. Bye!"

  He moved. She stood glued to the grey concrete below. She saw him make his way out of the otherwise empty classroom... into the rays and origins of light. She saw him go, for moments... even after his exit. She stared at the half-open door which lay swinging from the impact of his push. She only, still saw him go.

"So, you didnt move, once again, did you?"

She swerved to face the owner of the voice....  the same voice she had heard before.. His hair danced with the wind that blew across...  His lips twisted into a smile. She turned to look at the swinging door and swung around to see his all knowing smile.
She fainted.

~ Hemu


This was my entry at Saarang Writing Awards 2013



              

I write for you to see...

To think you reside in my thoughts,
as a far away cloud, above my head, yet to pour,
When I just keep staring at you with my eyes fixed up at the sky, beyond my inhibiting knots,
to look at the rolling cottony mass.. All I hope to see is a change in its colour.
This yearn has reached beyond its course of inception,
 and while treading this path, travelling all alone..
I lie in wait for you to change your perception,
of me..for me to enter your special zone.
But, my boy, I still do wonder, how it doesn't show,
How you cant detect the vibes of my vision reaching you..
For I can feel the feeling inside me grow
spreading its tentacles beyond my spread, and through...
I'm scared my dear that this road might lead
to a state of haziness I've never seen before
The fear of you and your smile, Oh! it might supersede,
My own self.. Frightened of not finding me in myself anymore!
Still, I'm willing to go ahead to love you more
for this feeling is magical and new
I'm running along beaches, forests and all ashore
flying with the wind and resting in the leaf's glassy dew..
Still, you cant see that I'm here, waiting for you
that there is a woman trying to see through what you feel
Trying to make up my mind, as the lights reveal to be just dim
I am here waiting for you to see..with just a word's hope. Believe.

~Hemu

Him, Anew.

I saw him from far as he approached from there,

At the line I would call the middle as the path can bear..

With the lights shining hard on his face,

that made him glow along his funny pace..

As my small eyes could see,

I could see him fly towards me..

With a mischievous glint in his eyes

oh, that look that made me go so high!

He carried an elegant walk, shaking his head to a side, so hard..

in a desperate attempt to have the sunlight barred,

which did go in vain, as it still danced along with his hair 

and made him give me a helpless smile of despair.. 

I looked at the brown of his hair, an original black,

like the radiance of love and my sight of him, it did attack...

I looked at him shrug and come close to me, 

Jumping up and down, and a near fall.. in all his glee,

I saw my kid stagger up holding onto the wall 

and with the frolicsome glance, He seemed ready for a friendly brawl..

I turned around and ran a little slow, for him to catch up with me

My boy of happiness did run in all his acme,

and gripped my wrist so tight, that made me want to run fast

Instead I stood there giving in to his strength, unsurpassed..

He held me firm and let his hands do the charm

running his fingers around my waist as I laughed in alarm..

He seemed to have enjoyed the dance as I jumped ;

as his tickles multiplied, an unknown voice in my throat lay as a lump..

As the laughter ceased and the voice started trying to reach,

the air so free, and his heart beating with the beats of the wind across a beach...

He slid his arms around my shoulder and added to it a beam, 

The voice told me He was mine and so it seemed..

As the notes of the sound traveled up my tongue,

he looked at me and waved me a bye unsung..

I watched him go, my friend so anew..

as the sounds chanted a whisper..

 " oh! I so love you! " 

~ Hemu 

The Trance

When in your arms, I danced like never before..
With my heart running wild but my prancing movements so slow!
I stood under the light, for a second and not more,
As my body twisted under your control to catch you smiling at me,
on the dance floor..
The world around me faded,
And in the dim, I saw some light..
The only light that I saw, which was you...
The music didn't cease, I didn't move
Yet in your arms, I saw my legs so limp jump up into the air,
and you carried me, and saw me still..
A lot of faces forgotten,
A thousands of thoughts passed by..
Without the depth being encountered,
Nor acknowledgement for it's momentary presence..
Yet, for all that happened,
The memory of time ticked, remained in the dark shadows of the anonymity.
A collection of mere glances, smiles and whispers, I clutched,
As you led me away from the floor under your feet so colourful
into the darkness of the night and the breeze's message.
I felt your breath upon my neck
I realized the smell of you...
When still in an embrace so tight
there, our lips did meet..
In vivacious energy and the graceful movements,
of the dance that did proceed..
I sank into the ground as an unknown mass of mere flesh
for, my soul went, there, with you.
And only after you opened your eyes to look at me did you realize,
that you were lost too!!!

~ Hemu

Little acts of love

My hand in yours as we walk across a beach's stretch,

basking in the glory of the full moon's rays,

A little look into my eyes.. and a small tilt in your face, 

A moment shared, a happiness so known,I shall see it along the bays...

A day off from our works and fatigue, 

to stand next to the stove, an island of vegetables and wine,

A kiss with the machete cutting away the intrigue

A dinner table for two shared, as we dine.. 

To a gathering as we leave, 

I'd love to stand in front of the mirror as you lean,

To look into the man and woman that we see

in an embrace and a smile of a thousand stars gleaming with love...

A night away into darkness as I sleep,

and to wake up, to find you staring at me,

In full knowledge of the hours that passed

I know that my day is made, by the eyes of yours that I see...

In a festive swing, as we do meet,

People of all classes, yours and mine

to say with pride, that I'm your wife,

To hold my hands and make me dance...

As you fall sick and I do tend,

cancelling every other event, for you look blue

yet when you lie down there, with weary eyes : that do send,

glances of love and a strong,silent thank you..

A tired day followed by an evening nap,

to wake up in the blankets of the night and the door locked tight,

To see a light at the edge of the bed,

You, standing there, as you do give me, from the cake,a bite..

To see you gleam in that candlelight,

with the soft breeze kissing your cheek.,

you look at me as my birthday starts

to endless infinity, a journey, our life so shared..

For you to know that it aches me as I walk

and to press my feet after a dance,

To look at you as I own you as just mine,

And knowing you love sleeping on me, by every single chance...

As a day that leads to the birth of a new one,

To see your eyes water in pain to look at my strain

to wake up from slumber, to see you looking at my face, you own

now you say, A beautiful wife and a pink little gain... 

To  remove framed photographs from a carton packed

to fight over which goes where and later lighter moments we do share,

In reverse, a few steps back. together, in constant rhythm,

our hands over each others shoulders, to glance at an ordered wall...

To hug me in front of my kids and say that you love me more

to help me with my chores and take me out for vacations I love

to travel in a steam locomotive train as it puffs smoke so grey 

Like the colour of our hair, we've grown old, lets say...

Love is here, in these little things so cute

for a kiss on a wedding and a hug so special,

Me in a gown and you in a suit..

It just feels like love out of the notes of a flute...

Hemu 

Why oh Why?!

Oh why do I wonder if he smiles in his sleep, 

Why do I even care if he is alright as moments do leap?

Why do I never cease to think about him,

When he seems like a far away dream, never to come?

Why do I want to ruffle his hair so smooth,

Oh why do I want to kiss him so soft and put him to sleep on my lap,

When all these I see are as illusions like in a long lost nap..

Why do I feel like hugging him so tight,

When I'm there nowhere in his sight..?

Oh why do I feel like only liking him more,

When I'm not anywhere near him, by what I know to be the truth!
When my life,

Is just in my imagination and desires so sore!

Hemu